Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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