so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize