She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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