I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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