I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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