Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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