you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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