i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize