I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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