just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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