I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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