once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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