My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need to align my fucking chakras
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