dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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