hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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