She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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