1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize