mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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