Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize