I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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