I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize