Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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