haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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