i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize