i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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