All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize