i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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