The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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