my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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