In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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