the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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