Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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