Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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