This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize