last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize