Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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