remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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