god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
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bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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