Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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