Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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