i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize