Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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