this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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