it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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