its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize