we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
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Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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