Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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