i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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