I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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