Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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